The culture of saying "thank you" at every turn is not inherently ours—it's not a part of Bengali culture. From childhood, we have been taught politeness. We never address elders by their names, whether they are relatives or not. Instead, we show respect by adding titles like Bhai (brother), Apa (sister), Chacha (uncle), Chachi (aunt), Khala (maternal aunt), Khalu (maternal uncle), Uncle, etc., to their names. Of course, if someone is very famous, that's a different matter. For instance, we refer to Rabindranath Tagore as Rabindranath, not as Rabindrada or Rabindrajethu.
Despite our emphasis on politeness, we don't tend to say "thank you" very often. While saying "thank you" in English feels natural, the Bengali word dhanyabad somehow hasn't become instinctive for us. Perhaps that's why we don't use it much.
In English-speaking cultures, however, "thank you" is probably one of the most frequently used phrases. There's a habit of saying "thank you" at every turn. But how much of this gratitude is sincere, and how much of it is simply habitual?
A J Jacobs
Author A.J. Jacobs is an exceptional writer. He writes a book every couple of years, but his books are not only laugh-out-loud funny but also provoke deep thought. Each of his books is a unique project. For instance, he read every single volume of the Encyclopaedia Britannica and wrote a book based on that experience. To write about the Bible, he spent a year living as a pastor. Every book he has written stems from personal experiments and observations. His book, Thanks a Thousand, is based on his "gratitude project."
Happiness doesn’t lead to gratitude; rather, gratitude leads to happiness. Jacobs is not religious—he is a skeptic. Religious people often thank their creator through prayer for everything. Jacobs doesn’t have that option. Religious individuals tend to overlook the actual people doing the work—especially when the outcome is favorable—and instead thank an unseen deity. However, when the outcome is unfavorable, they often blame other people.
To express genuine gratitude, Jacobs decided to start with the cup of coffee he gets every morning from a shop. He resolved to thank not only the person serving him coffee but also every individual involved in getting that single cup of coffee into his hands.
The journey of gratitude begins at the coffee shop. After thanking the woman who made the coffee, Jacobs thanks the coffee supplier. He learns about the coffee tasters who ensure its flavor, a process handled by specialized professionals. Jacobs speaks with them. He also visits the warehouses and learns about the trained workers managing storage and logistics. He talks to them as well and expresses his thanks to each one.
The coffee cup is something we use once and discard without a second thought about the engineering skills involved in its creation. It’s part of a massive supply chain business. The coffee cup is a specialized item—it retains heat, keeps the outside cool, and ensures the coffee inside stays warm. Its lid is meticulously designed to prevent spills while drinking. Jacobs visited the team behind this engineering marvel and thanked them personally.
The coffee beans came from Colombia, so Jacobs traveled there to meet the coffee farmers. He personally thanked them for their contributions as well.
Thanks a Thousand is literally a book about thanking more than a thousand people. At the end of the book, Jacobs includes the names of all the people he personally thanked—those who contribute to his single cup of morning coffee.
The book was published by TED in collaboration with Simon & Schuster. TED’s books are known for their excellence in every aspect, and this one is no exception.
Jacobs also delivered a TED Talk about this book, which can be viewed on YouTube.
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